Tuesday, August 01, 2006

When words fail me..

Earlier in the week, I was praying and telling God I can't even begin to put to words what I'm feeling and what I'm going through. It was a terrible feeling not to be able to give what you feel a name, especially when I am stronger in my languages.

God said, "I know".

You have no idea how much that meant to me.. to hear my Father say that He knows.

God has also been reminding to press on and look ahead. The words of Ps Tan always come back to me.. "A man without a vision is a man without a future. A man without a future will always return to his past". I believe this is a quote from Dr A.R. Bernard. There have been certain things that I've not been able to share with many people.. that I've not been able to verbalize.. or that I've dared not verbalize those thoughts. It was really painful to leave Attributes. Ps Kong said during Emerge that we shouldn't need a ministry to keep us going for God.. whether our ministry is big or small, successful or not-so-successful, our love for God must continue to be strong. I guess leaving Attributes was a test for me in this area. No more being called a leader.. in that sense, having less members under me.. no more leaders meeting to go to.. I felt stripped, the sense of feeling that I'm no longer a part of something big. I always enjoyed serving God in bookstore ministry.. there's always a great sense of destiny amongst the leaders there. I felt so alone till I met up with Jiaxuan.. once again and as usual, she encouraged me to be secure in my calling and continue to stand in faith. Yea. God is so faithful to send people to speak into my life. And I also remember the time when Ps Ulf came and preached about seasons.. I felt stirred and I also felt peace to move on.

Let your eyes look straight ahead, And your eyelids look right before you. Prov 4:25.
Oh ya, Ps Mike came last weekend. It was great. The presence of God was so strong. I was also very blessed by the explanation of the relationship between the sheep and the shepherd.

Characteristics of sheep, they:
- get lost easily
- are very fearful creatures
- follow the crowd
- have no defence, whatsoever, against predators, very defenseless

Sheep therefore rely on the shepherd to guide the way, to protect. What a beautiful picture of how Jesus never lets us go too far off to be astray and how He always guards, guides and protects us no matter how many times we lose our way. :)
Once again, God spoke to me during the ministry session.. so clearly, He said to me,
"Do not look to the left or to the right, Ai Ling. I know the timing I have for you."
This also parallels Joshua 1:7-8 & Jer 29:11.
HX has also been challenging me to take more ownership. I'm so glad to be under her leadership.. I feel like I'm given space to grow, to experiment and make mistakes and learn. I think that makes for a very conducive environment to grow.. Jesus doesn't push us too far beyond what we can take either. Woohoo..we talked about a couple of exciting ideas for outreach. Wahaha top secret still. I'm excited. Everyone needs a vision to live for and a challenge to overcome. Otherwise, we begin to die bit by bit inside. Time to step out! Having said all that about moving on, I'll always appreciate the times spent in Attributes (it was afterall where I grew up!!). When I feel like I can't do it, I'd always hear Bro Robin's words once again.. "Is it that the next generation of CHC cannot take pressure and stress?" Oh man, I was provoked when I heard that. I pray I'd always be stepping out and taking new ground. And no, I don't need to be called a leader to get happy and serve.

posted by Ling @ 2:45 AM

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